I am a warrior- I love being a warrior, but I have been thinking a TON about this lately on social media sites:
I want to be able to dialogue with people, absolutely! I, just like each of you, want to feel respected for my viewpoint. So here is my pledge:
1-I promise to practice this MORE often, especially with people I feel closer to. You are the ones I often think can handle my strong opinion and that’s not fair.
2-I also promise that if my opinion is super strong, I will post what I think on my wall or profile, but if you choose to jump in, you are fair game.
3-I will also promise to take the 1 minute “time out” when I write a response due to an emotional reaction BEFORE I post it, and then ask myself, how should I rephrase this or not post at all?
What can you do to make sure that social media sites remain a place of positive interaction and sharing, even when we disagree?
Ann M. Evanston is a “Chief Breakthrough Officer” teaching other Business Warriors how to slow down, and find the most unique part of their business that makes them stand out among the crowd. She has been named one of the top marketing consultants by About.com, is a guest blogger for Showcasing Women and takes pride in moving you from “blah, blah, blah” to “BOOM, BOOM. BOOM!”
I completely agree with you Ann. I always try to think my answers through before I post anywhere. It's so easy for our messages to be mis-understood or taken the wrong way.
Ann your two cents is worth a million bucks! Great tips on constructive, positive dialogue. I tell my clients “there's power in the pause.” The trigger can be, as you described, whenever you feel you have an emotional reaction – respond vs react. Thanks for the “opener” examples to ease into what may be a sticky conversation. I'll definitely use them.
I have a tendency to be a little feisty and play devils advocate etc within me too. I remember a guy once saying to me 'do you always have to do that?' when I yet again challenged him on something. I've learnt to temper myself a little and I'm actually better online generally but a great topic to discuss. On a persoanl level though Ann between you and me – I LOVE feisty Ann and am happy to have a lively discussion with you any time.
This is truly an insightful post. All too often we feel comfortable typing a response forgetting that there is a real person on the receiving end, a real person with feelings and opinions. I might add too that we have to remember that it is just their opinion and if it differs from ours, oh well. Thanks for the wisdom Ann.
Julie Anderson
Your Best Mind
Thanks for raising this issue. I think it's something we all need to consider. We can be polite and assertive on our posts, rather than attack. If your opinion is so emotional that you cannot write something constructive, I agree to not say anything. But that re-read before hitting post is a great tool. Thanks, Ann!
I find that people are more willing to say things online (social media, text, email) that they would never say face to face. I agree with your points about social media etiquette, we all need to learn the rules. My first rule…I ask myself would I say what I'm writing to their face? If not, then I rephrase. BTW…love the little comments and went to viddler to find out more. I'm learning things at warp speed and keeping up!
Thank you for you “2 cents” Ann! This is a tricky one for many people. It's just too easy to react & hit that send button (email, fb, blog comments, etc.). Like you, I consider myself feisty, and often opinionated, but I really temper that in any public forum.
I really like your suggestion of posing a question in response to a post, instead of a comment. I think that says “I'm open to a dialog”, instead of “I think you are off base”. Thank you for these tips and reminders. You have such a lovely way of getting your ideas across through your videos—terrific stuff!
Another powerful post Ann. and for the record I to love engaging and encouraging differences of opinion. The public forum on social media can sometimes be the way we see things, based on our own biased point of view. I like your idea of posing a question to get the conversational ball going because its non threatening. Or reading aloud what you have written before posting. The five minute idea is brilliant. Gives us time to cool off to prevent going into attack mode. How true is it that we don't know the people we think we know. We only know what they choose to share.
Well, I had to look up troll, even though I could surmise it's meaning here…interesting how the online world sparks new definitions… Anywho, back to the subject at hand – being a person of strong opinions, I have learned to mellow with age. I've also learned that, <gasp>, mine is not the only opinion of merit. When I write a response, I take a breath and re-read, oftentimes removing portions or even choosing not to respond at all. The world is full of so much angry noise already, I feel a need to add more positive or constructive conversations – as usual you've brought up a very good topic Ann.
Hi Ann, This was very interesting and I'm all for a social media environment of mutual respect – especially since we are missing tone, inflection and all the other clues of speech that let us know how to interpret something when we are just reading it. I can only put in so many smiley faces before I wonder, do they know I'm joking? A tip that was shared with me regarding email is to always type in the email address last to avoid accidently sending it off before you are ready or is something was said in haste. Also, as you know I talk a lot about jewelry and personality types. Well, those personality types talk and interpret differently and email/texting/social media is an easy place for misunderstandings to happen! I just know texting was created by a “D” from the DISC profile! LOL 🙂
Love the video blogs…would like to try that sometime – do you have a camera you recommend?
Lastly, I accept your challenge and will jump in with you on the social media promises 1-3 above…
Best,
Brandy Mychals
Jewelry for Your Target Market
http://www.BrandyMychals.com
A pledge we should all take!
I can tell you gave this a lot of thought, given the feisty gal you are – I like that in you, by the way. Abraham Lincoln would put an emotional letter in a drawer overnight. Often he would not send it at all, in consideration of the person he was blasting. Also, you know that in any message only 7% of the content is in the words or text. What's missing in SoMe, email, online, etc is the other 93% of voice tone and body language. Being nice and considerate is the thing to do, or at least try to do.
very good points… i especially like the examples of when not agreeing…to pose a question…that is a great way to get dialog started…or to test the waters with the author to see if dialog is even welcome…
social media is incredible…i absolutely enjoy all that comes with it…the people i've met…the ideas i've been able to share and discuss…but when it comes to criticism…that is a tough one…i am all for those who may not agree with my opinions…but let's be respectful of each others opinions…
all too often…when a person is not in front of you…i think for some it is easier to spew out things that they might have thought about a bit longer had that person been sitting there.
thank you for your two cents!
I have often thought, when reading others' posts, that their opinions might have been better phrased, and in the past, I have regretted some emails I sent that were written as an impulsive reaction to something without allowing some cool down time! I love your video “lessons” and this one is one I would like everyone to read! I am taking the same pledge with you and appreciate how you have so eloquently addressed what can be a very touchy subject.
A timely post. I have been wanting to post a response on a blog that I definitely disagreed with. I love asking a question. It will start a dialog but it wont sound like an attack.
ann, good post on an important topic. it's so easy to feel more comfortable + bold online than you would 'in real life.' sometimes that translates to great things – being comfortable sharing or opening up to an online community. but sometimes it results in, as you say, online critiques that can be viewed as attacks.
i especially like your point #2 in the pledge – posting your strong thoughts on your *own* wall or page, rather than putting it on their blog, where it could cause them embarrassment or upset. i hadn't thought about that, but it's a good compromise!
Ann…you are right again. Pausing before replying is key to healthy interaction. Of course, people will not always agree and I do think that if it posted for all to see it is fair game for interaction. But there is always a more positive rather then negative way of responding.
The pause is key for feisty or otherwise…good post! I'll share this one…
What a thought-provoking video. Thanks for that.
Trolls are noooo fun.
I've found that it's so easy to lash out when the emotions kick in as I read something online. I think what helped me was when I learned how the amygdala receives visual and auditory input, and generates an emotion, before the neo cortex even receives the same input. So one always has an emotional response before a logical one. To me that's significant because it means there are no “logical” thoughts which aren't also associated with an emotional response.
That doesn't mean one has to respond emotionally, but rather that it's important to recognize the two brains at work. That gives me more freedom to act in accordance with my beliefs and values rather than being led along in the moment.
So in the words of Viktor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
And then, if that doesn't work, maybe stab them with your sword. 🙂 At least you tried! j/k
Difference of opinion definitely comes up on Facebook updates and the ensuing comments can be a bit uncomfortable cause even friends I've had a lot of time with have different mindsets. I agree it is imperative to measure your response for emotional weight and remove that emotional part of your processing as much as possible in order to be able to have intelligent dialogue that is intent on understanding and considering how together we are infinitely more powerful than alone.
Pause is a good thing.
Love is the guiding truth.
I just simply don't respond in many cases. My ex boyfriend who didn't like my support of Prop 8 – ignore. My ex boss' vociferous rallying of the troops to defeat Obamacare – ignore (sorry dude, I don't work for you anymore). I like the idea of asking a question as a way to interact in a non confrontational manner. Maybe I'll try that … selectively
Actually to be clear, I was a supporter of “repeal prop 8”.
Let's not forget that sometimes people can be sarcastic and forget to warn others that they are being this way. Another way to view this is that sometimes people may like to be that smart alec or wise guy that thinks something is funny, which for some it is. However, for others it may not be so funny,e.g. various profanities and racial slurs that may seem humourous to some may be seen as hurtful to others.
The flip side to this though is some people are more comfortable with written communication than verbal ones. I know that I tend to prefer the typed word as it removes a lot of personal emphasis that would be used in other forms of communication,e.g. vocal tone, speed of speech, etc. I tend to see myself as a keyboard Ninja, though that just means I know my way around a few of them as I've been typing since I was 8 years old on my Commodore 64. Just wanting to add another opinion to this discussion.
Some people in my life I don't share my opinion with because I will have to fight to the death (bad energy) to defend it. With them I often keep my thoughts to myself. What a loss it would be if people were to shut down from sharing differing opinions on SoMe because they felt beat down. In contrast I have noticed there are those who say nasty & hateful things in SoMe and in e-mails they would never say to your face. Personal I refuse to feed their negativity addition so I do not engage with them.
I read this amazing book called Power versus Force that help me understand its the FORCE (energy) behind our actions that makes it enlightening (positive energy vibration) or deadly (negative energy vibrations). With such knowledge even when I disagree with opinions I've learned to use phrases such as
“thank you for sharing,” “I never thought of it that way”, “tell me more” & “can we agree to disagree?” My intention is to maintain the relationship even when we have strong opinions.
Lisa Ann Landry – Corporate Trainer – Unleashing the Genie
I find in my line of work I have to put my opinion across even if the client might not like it. I try not to come across with an 'I know best' stance but at certain times a client will be after a design or an aesthetic that won't do justice to what they are trying to achieve.
I find the best way for me to overcome this is to educate the person so they know why I disagree with them and give them information and examples to support my opinion. My goal is to have a happy customer who will give me repeat business, so sometimes I have to speak my mind in order to get them results. I think (And hope!) they respect me for this.
So when it comes to social media I try to adopt the same behaviour and hopefully this won't resort to heated arguments, name calling and unfollowing! It is easy to use the internet as a kind of shield and say things you wouldn't dare when face to face, but I find turning off twitter after I've started on my second glass of wine always helps!
Great post Ann, thanks!
Difference of Opinion and Social Media: Don’t be a KeyBoard Warrior! Posted by Ann Evanston in Featured Articles, Mental Mind Shifts on July .
Ann after reading this I got an annoying MLM person in my face this morning AGAIN about her special of the month! SO I posted on my wall … talking 1st about me and what I do and sharing my grip about how others do it at the end … ya know what … BEST, most active post I’ve ever had on my profile! 29 likes, 12 comments. People were loving it (PS it was NOT ho hum!) Thanks for helping my find my voice AND teaching em how to use it! I’m gonna LOVE helping others do the same thing!
Yvonne Elm Hall