I love Stephen Covey. I think the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is one of the most powerful works out there. And I meet MANY people who have read it, but do not LIVE the habits. Too often when I share what I am up to, people ask, “How do you get it all done, Ann? And have time for fun?” This lesson, which I LIVE and truly learned from the Covey’s book, explains it:
What are you focusing on that you do not have control of? How will you let it go and grow your circle of control? How will you increase the power that comes from that focus?
Ann M. Evanston is a “Chief Breakthrough Officer” teaching other Business Warriors how to slow down, and find the most unique part of their business that makes them stand out among the crowd. She has been named one of the top marketing consultants by About.com, is a guest blogger for Showcasing Women and takes pride in moving you from “blah, blah, blah” to “BOOM, BOOM. BOOM!”
I’m far too busy to stress too much about the things I have no control over now. I love that I have people asking me how I fit it all in also – but the busier I am the more I fit in. I have my lists and if something isn’t working I leave and come back to it or let go of it and don’t worry. My biggest test of this has been having the builders finishing our basement while I work just above them. I have just learned to do tasks that require some quiet when they are not there or ask them to do quiet jobs if I have the weekly webinar/call on the SNCC 30 Day Intensive. I have no control over the noise otherwise other than not getting the work done!
I am slowly working my way through thta book though – I did attend a presentation on the 7 Habits about 3 years ago – very useful way to live.
Louise Edington
Finding YOUR Freedom
http://louiseedington.com
I want to be you when I grow up! 😀 Seriously, Ann, you always share such wonderful words of wisdom. It is so simple and profound at the same time. I’m onto to my to do list to focus on what I have control over. And I will send my emails on the things I have no control over to get action and let it go. Whew!
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://www.susan-berland.com
Straight to the jugular. Love your tips on what works. By adapting & allowing myself time to learn new tricks, setting up habits that serve, I am creating my dream reality. So glad I have you as a Positive Life Guide, Ann.
Jennifer Duchene
Home Makeover Mixtress blending lifestyle laughter and Diva Dens
http://LYShome.com
This is such a powerful and to-the-point strategy. I’ve observed this drain on time and energy in myself over the years and I’m so glad that I now often have the self-awareness to stop being drawn into this self-destructive spiral and put my focus on something else. The message is clear – not this, not now. So why struggle against what is. I love your discipline here, your ability to be very pragmatic and just change course, preserving your energy and sanity at the same time.
I’m setting intention to bring more and more awareness to this too. Situations, people, things….everything. Thanks for the direct approach here.
Fiona Stolze
Inspired Art and Living
http://fionastolze.com
I watched this earlier this morning and it was just what i needed today, as you know I do tend to get freaked out a bit when things don’t go as planned online especially. I think it is because it is ‘out of my hands” that I get so flustered. i like to be in control! .. But when things happen i real life as it were, I rarely get stressed and i can handle most things..it just seems to happen to me more is the cyber world
This is a great post letting us know that sometimes we just DON”T have control and at that point you have to let it go. I will really try to follow your advice and then take that time and use it effectively on something else until the issue is fixed. Thanks
Julie Labes,…The Fierce over 50 feels much younger point and click junkie loves to travel does not use a jogging stroller and before you ask this is NOT my granddaughter..Woma
Your message is a mantra I need to incorporate more consistently into my life. As you know, I have an out-of-control child and worrying about and trying to “control” how she navigates the outside world is not something I can do anymore. She has to learn her lessons the hard way as she did this week (and I wrote a blog about it). I am way more powerful and effective in MY life when I can let her go to make her mistakes, not mine. As I venture into my new position as blogging coach, my priorities have shifted and my focus will not be on people who do not follow up or techie problems that I cannot control. Being the type A that I am, this will be a challenge, but I am up for it!
Great post, Ann! I get asked this question a lot too…it surprises me how people just automatically think that if you are productive you must be sacrificing sleep and fun. When you are organized and focused that is not the case. I get more sleep and more time off than ever before AND get more done…focusing on what you CAN control is great advice…in fact, the power of focus is a very powerful tool in business 🙂
Brandy Mychals
Speaker, Author, Communications Coach
Creator of Split Second Perceptions
One of the high tech corporations I used to work at (about 15 years ago!), had all the managers go through a Steven Covey course — it was a whole weekend away event. Unfortunately, I don’t really remember specifics from that, other than all the trust-building exercises which were very interesting! I do still have the book at home, so maybe should go through it and get a refresher! I tend to be someone who likes to be in control, although the older I get the more I am able to let go of things — but I really appreciate what you are saying in this video, Ann, and it convicts me to be more aware of what I am focusing my energy on during the day and discover why I so often feel overwhelmed. I really would love to describe my days as you do! Thank you for the motivation and the hope that it is possible!!
Donna McCord
Dean’s Automotive, Inc.
Service Excellence with a Personal Touch
This is a lesson I know well although I haven’t perfected my learning! Letting go of the things I cannot control – very much something I am aware of in my day and life. I really like how you make the connection to the emotion states, because I think that’s where the effort to control is really damaging: I can get caught up in the anger or resentment or frustration at whatever seems to be blocking me. Letting go of wanting to control is also about letting go of the emotion that might build. Wonderful post.
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/
Always love your videos, comments, and suggestions. Like Jen says, right to the jugular. I’m guilty. And I’ve felt the sword, having gotten sucked in, but luckily not often. Working, SNCC, and my kids keep me busy so I have a to do list to manage my time and keep track of things which leaves little room for worrying about crap thats out of my control. However, it is true, I have been known to get a little flustered and vent, saying my piece and quickly moving on. So, I will take your advice next time…focus on the positive, my cirlce of control, and what I AM in control of. And, if I slip, I’ll remember to pay attention to how it physically/mentally/energetically affects me.
As always, thanks for keeping it real, telling it like it is, and making it something we can all relate to….as in my fb rant:)
Guilty as charged,
Rita Brennan Freay
@Rita4kids
ritabrennanfreay.com
Very good as usual Ann. Some days I think you’re reading my mind because you always post things I need to hear, when I need to hear it the most.
I’ve let recent health issues suck away my time when, with some effort, I could have been more productive. I know that if I refocus my energy, I can manage my life, get done what needs to be done and still be well rested. I know I can because I have before.
Thanks for the reminder and the firm but loving push.
My favorite quote is: You are more in control when you will relinquish control. – Alicia Dunams 🙂
You will never be able to control other people, circumstances, events, etc. but you can 100% control YOUR reaction.
Living in that mindset is a good place to be.
Sing it, sister! There are times when I need something from someone else and if she/he is not getting it to me on my time-table, it weighs on me. I do move on and do other things, but, it takes it’s toll on me physically, because some part of my brain doesn’t let it go. What I tend to do is not rely on people who don’t get things done in a timely manner and instead find someone who will. Recently, I was trying to arrange an event at a hotel and kept stubbornly trying to do business with someone who obviously did not want my business (focusing on that over which I had no control.) Once I decided to look for another option and not just rely on one choice, the weight was lifted (I let go of waiting, since I was confident that out of the many a winner would arise.) That allowed me to get other things done I was putting off because I no longer felt so exhausted.
Pat Zahn, Photo Solutions Superhero
http://www.PatZahn.com
Ann, thank you! GREAT reminder to periodically examine what I’m working on, and ask if this is something I can control after all. It bears examining whether I’m under- or over-estimating the amount of control I have over things I’m working on. Focus is wonderful, but as you suggest, if I mis-direct my aim, I’ll suffer not only productivity problems, but attitude and emotional grief, as well. By the way, my favorite Covey suggestion sounds a similar note: his suggestion to “sharpen the saw”, to periodically pause to refresh and re-tune our working systems and methods. In my mind, this has become “work hard, play hard”.
Great reminder, if we don’t have control over something to just let it go. And, when we do have control, Take Action.
Great reminder Ann! Such a great tool and so simple that I think sometimes we try to make things more complicated by worrying about those things we can’t control. I appreciate the video also. I find it makes more of an impression on me then just reading sometimes.
Carrie Hansen
SnuggeryStyle
http://www.SnuggeryStyle.com
Like Louise said, the busier I get, the more I get done and the happier I feel. I enjoy my work. That being said, there are a few things weighing heavily on my mind that are completely out of my control. I need to find a way to accept that and let that spin out as it will. Thanks for the reminder!
A good reminder. I would add that people also spend time fretting about issues that are covered in the news which are usually events we have no control over. I like your methodology, acknowledge it and then move on.
I’m right there with you, Ann! If I don’t have control over something…I just go… well I guess it wasn’t meant to be right now and I move on to the next thing. I use to stay in that “oh no” place, but I’ve learned to let it go. Thanks for the great video. You inspire me to start creating.
Alara K. Castell
Your Sassy Spiritual Guide
I believe that the ego is the part of us that has a strong need to feel in control and it tries to avoid feelings of vulnerability and loss of control at all costs. I have found that the more I surrender my need to be in control and allow and accept whatever is happening in the moment, even when it is very uncomfortable and unpleasant, the more I feel in control. It is a paradox that when we release and let go of our need to be in such tight control of ourselves and our situation, the more relaxed and in control we feel. We are then better able to focus on the things we truly have influence and control over and accept that which we do not have immediate and direct control over.
Rachel Lavern
Personal Transformation, Enlightenment and Development Coach
“Live without limits because nothing is impossible to you.”
If you don’t have control over a situation, don’t let it control you.
When this happens to me it takes up what I call ‘head space’…….my head space is valuable and I think better if I keep it clear…:)
Letting go of a situation put’s you back in control, if only of yourself.
SheilaThorpe
..drawing with a different pen
sounds simple, but it’s not easy. You know it, I know it, but you’re doing it and I’m not there yet. But with practicing it should get easier. Thanks for the reminder!