The Mindset of Yes can seem like a simple one. Most people though, have the mindset of “curious.” There is a distinct difference between the two.
When you have the Mindset of Yes you are always open to possibilities, opportunities, ideas. You are interested in new relationships. You ask, “how can I help?” You trust first. With the Mindset of Yes, you continue to engage in a process encouraging all of those things.
You might be thinking: “Well Ann, I have that mindset. What’s the difference between curious and yes then?”
When yes people have made the decision that it’s actually a no, they communicate that no with grace and integrity. The Mindset of Yes means that you understand how important when you decided no it is to communicate it.
People who have the mindset of curious just disappear.
Years ago I used to travel the country and teach a one day seminar on: “stress management for women.” Hundreds of women would fill the room, wanting to learn about how to manage stress. I remember one of the concepts in the book being about work/life balance.
That phrase always haunted me because somehow that means that work isn’t part of life, or vice versa, LOL! I would tell ladies, as I do in my work, that we have to shift our mindset and just think about it as life balance. Work is a part of your life. Your relationships are part of your life. Health, exercise, sleep… are all parts of life that we have to “balance.”
So then, the next question becomes: “is there really a way to balance it all?” I say no! Why? Because there is no such thing as life balance!
At times, somethings in our life are going to require more attention then other things. It’s about how we give the quality of time that we need in different parts of our life. It’s about how we FEEL engaged and connected while we’re doing it.
I love teaching that to women!
Have you been able to do that as things shift and demands shift in your life?
Can you be too helpful?
On a recent call with a client we were discussing her earnings and where she struggles. Interestingly she runs a very popular quarterly boot camp that many people come too. In my mind it is an excellent moneymaker
At one point in the conversation she said: “yeah, even the committee for the boot camp says it’s time we start attracting people who can afford to really pay for what we do. I keep hanging around these entrepreneurs that will spend money on really stupid shit but when it comes to their businesses they won’t spend any money, they want it all for free. But I love helping people so I let them come.”
Do you have the mindset of “be really helpful to your customers”? Fabulous! And are you able to set good boundaries around what they pay for and the value of your time? Or are you really just giving it all away for very little to no money?
And then you’re wondering why you have all these raving fans and no money. Then you wonder why who they refer is the same way… If they refer.
This is what I call the mindset of too helpful.
I once heard a very simple statement that made perfect sense: “You have to leave yourself to become better than yourself.”
I think many of us would agree, and it’s the easy part to decide and move on from yourself. The hard part, getting everyone who knows then”old” you to support the new you.
Because even though the better you is a win for everyone, they KNOW the old you….how she acts and reacts. Changing means they have to change too.
So I have realized that I have to be willing to move on from relationships that don’t actively support my best self. That takes strength. Courage. And conviction.
Growing up we did not have it easy. I have many stories which taught me money was scarce. Times are tough. We don’t have enough. In my book The Influence Factor I share how important it is to rewrite these “truths” with new stories that become truths.
Sometimes the best way is to find another story that can become the truth. I needed to find a way to change this belief about money, so I reflected upon my life. Here is what I found:
My mom always worked to make our birthdays special, but I could always remember the anxiety I felt asking for what I wanted. I guess because I knew how financially tough my mom had it raising two daughters alone. Every year, she always cooked what we wanted for dinner. For my thirteenth birthday, I just couldn’t make up my mind. I remember telling her I couldn’t decide: steak, or crab, baked potatoes or artichokes. She just looked at me and said: “let’s just do it all!” and she did! That night we feasted on steak and fully loaded baked potatoes, Alaskan King Crab baked with butter, and artichokes with lemon pepper butter — all my favorites!
This story helped me rewrite what had become my truths: scarcity , anxiety, not enough. I realized that it made me feel rich, and I have carried that with me to this day. Now I see abundance in every situation
Ah the Jury duty summons.
I remember turning 18 and being so excited about two things that I now had the honor of doing: voting, and serving on a jury! Do you remember that feeling? The enthusiasm and excitement to be a part of your country? To be able to influence and sway decisions in how we live and move in the world?
Fast forward 30 years and the jury summons arrives. Ugh, really? What a disruption in my life! Amazing how the mindset has shifted over time.
This year I shifted again. I realized that if I was accused I would want a jury who cared. Who saw it as a honor. So I will show up with that mindset.
There are probably other areas where I have burnt out, dried up; once saw something as a honor and forgot. I want to re-engage the positive of feeling honored in my life.